So you’re excited to spend a weekend, a week, a month staying at a nudist resort in your RV. But nakations are growing in popularity in the U.S. and, when it’s ideal weather for going clothes-free, RV sites are often booked up. Especially on weekends and holidays.
But you want this so badly. You need to feel the breeze on your buttocks as you get away for a weekend, enjoying nature as it was intended: Naked and watching Jerry Springer on your outdoor TV.
You just HAVE to get an RV spot. So what should you do?
Just show up to the clothing optional park.
This is risky because they may not have a spot open and you’ll have to turn around and find a KOA or some other god-awful textile place to park your rig for the night. And if you’re one of those enthusiasts who not only showed up without a reservation, but naked as well, think how disappointed you’ll be when you have to dress again.
That’s why we recommend to call ahead to see if they have a spot.
Offer a bribe.
OK, you’ve called and they say they don’t have a spot but you REALLY must be there. You could try greasing the ol’ palm, so to speak. This of course can take the form of money, but you could also slip a large bottle of tequila, a large bottle of Fireball, or a large box of wine (red, white, whatever) behind the front desk with a little wink. Again, this is risky because:
A) The person behind the front desk is nude and has nowhere to hide the money.
B) The person behind the front desk doesn’t drink.
C) The person behind the front desk tells you, again, “There are NO sites available!” Then with a sarcastic sniff, “What do you want me to do, carve one out of the ground just for you? Or kick out Old Tom who’s been staying here since 1987?”
“Could you?” you hopefully reply, but that of course gets you nowhere.
Finally, you could try begging.
Simply drop to your knees, hands clasped in front of your face and say, “Please, please, please, please, please, please, PLEEEEASE! My wife/husband will leave me, my kids disown me, there are wild tigers roaming outside the gate ready to devour us …” You get the picture.
Again, this probably won’t work but what have you got to lose? Except dignity. Which is overrated.
But, no matter how desperate you are …
Don’t call in a bomb threat.
Not that I’ve ever heard of someone doing this, but you never know what a desperate nudist could do. The idea here being that everyone would flee and you’d get your pick of sites including the one that’s close to both the pool and the laundry. The problem with this idea, besides the obvious long-term incarceration consequences, is that it just wouldn’t work. Nudists would hear the alarm and think somebody started a water volleyball game. Or they’d just ignore it.
Don’t try to sneak in.
This might work if you’re four feet tall and plan to sleep in the bushes. But your RV probably has a footprint the size of a bus. What are you going to do? Put Red Cross signs on it? Say you’re there for a Blood Drive? Wait, I may be on to something …
So there you go. Feel free to share your tips for getting an RV site at a nudist resort, and good luck my friends.