It’s that time of year when Americans celebrate Thanksgiving, North America’s first multi-ethnic potluck. In case you’ve never heard of Thanksgiving, it all started when a bunch of indigenous peoples invited some struggling illegal immigrants — The Pilgrims — to dinner.
Descriptions on how that first gathering went down vary, depending on whether you watch CNN or Fox News, but basically what happened was that the Native Americans said “Come on over for turkey, squash, maize (AKA “corn”), green bean casserole, etc., etc.,” and the Pilgrims replied, “Sounds great! We’ll bring the hardtack (AKA “the rolls”).”
These days, in addition to stuffing their faces with all types of food they won’t eat for another year, most folks spend a few minutes around the table sharing what they are grateful for in life. For example, they might say something like, “I would be grateful if Uncle Sal would stop farting while we’re trying to eat!”
As we prepare to gather with friends and family for another Thanksgiving chow fest, I thought about the things that make me grateful to be a nudist, such as:
I dribble food and drink on myself like it’s my favorite hobby. This leads to more frequent trips to the laundromat (we are nomads, so we don’t own laundry facilities). But when I’m naked I simply wipe the errant drips and food particles off and continue on my merry, clumsy way.
More enjoyable swimming
Speaking of less laundry, what’s more ridiculous than wearing a swimsuit to go swimming at the beach or a pool, then having to wash it when you get back home?
I’ll tell you what’s more ridiculous: A banana slicer.
That’s right. Apparently for some people, slicing a peeled banana is incredibly difficult. But not to worry! Those inventive types who keep our society from sudden collapse have come up with a utensil to help.
With a banana slicer you can safely slice those difficult bananas for your cereal, chicken noodle soup or any other meal (even a snack!). It’s dishwasher safe, and once it’s clean you can stick it in that drawer with your taco holders, pizza scissors and other items you’ll never use again.
Anyhoo, when I have a wet swimsuit it clings to me like a psychotic Tinder date, dripping everywhere until I soak my towel trying to dry off. When I swim naked, I get out of the water, towel off and am dry in minutes. Bada bing, bada boom.
Happier dog walking
I know, what has that got to do with being a nudist? I’ll tell ya. We live fulltime in an RV, and that means we have to take our dog Peanut out into public so he can pee, poop and bark at anything threatening, like a tablecloth.
Now if we’re in a textile RV park, that means getting dressed before stepping outside in order to avoid unpleasant encounters with the local Sheriff’s posse. While dressing, I’m keeping one eye on Peanut because he’s bouncing around on all four legs and looking like he wants to turn our sofa into a fire hydrant, if you get my drift.
When we’re in a clothing optional RV park, or the middle of nowhere, I simply leash him up and strut outside in my birthday suit. Unless it’s cold outside. But even then, being a nudist has its advantages because I just need to wrap myself in anything protective, like a garbage bag or a roll of paper towels, and we quickly get the job done. No need for style.
Easier to work
I’ve worked independently out of my home for over 20 years. That means that at any given moment, I could be working naked. Which somehow makes it easier, especially when I’m on the phone with someone who’s being a jerk and I can think, “Whatever, I’m naked.”
More lighthearted friendships
Here’s the thing: Nudists come from all sorts of backgrounds and have all sorts of beliefs. And sometimes I don’t agree with them. But instead of us getting in hissy fits with each other over some bozo in politics or who should have won on Dancing with the Stars, most of us choose to leave that shit unsaid, look each other in the eye, and have a good laugh.
Those are just a few things I appreciate about my life. But really, it comes down to the people and the experiences (and the dogs, of course). I’m grateful that there are people I can turn to in need, and be there for them as well. Especially when they need a banana sliced and all they have is a knife.